Archive for the 'uncategorized' Category

guess what?

Nah, I’m just messin’ with ya.

Fab massage this morning – I can walk now! Jamey rocks! We were thrilled about the election results: Arnie is now being called the One-Terminator. He’s certainly not the worst Republican in office (Cheney? Gonzales? Rice? Rumsfeld? How to choose?) but it’s nice to see his virulently short-sighted anti-union propositions squashed like the bugs they are. I dropped Carole and Jeremy at City Art to take pictures of Carole’s big green canvas, then had a long chatty lunch with Mum at Lovejoy’s. Got buttons for cardigans and tie-backs for the pretty champagne curtains at the big fabric store under Thrift Town. Slept while Mum watched and thoroughly enjoyed 42 Up.

Spent the evening loving Mission Street in the November rain. The Argus Lounge has started a night called Stroller Bar – free goldfish crackers and juice boxes for the sproglets, $3 Cosmopolitans for the child-bearing hipsters, Enzo Garcia on penny-whistle and saw. It was fan-freaking-tastic. All the other bars were empty, and Argus was overflowing into the street. I’d meant to mail Thor and Amy to tell them about it, but forgot; nevertheless they were the first people we ran into there. Little Quinn is now a fine figure of a boy.

Claire and Ro danced for a little bit, then had a pool game that descended into a brawl. Born San Franciscans, the pair of them. We walked back up to Yo’s where we met my wonderful obstetrician, all sexy in her blue scrubs. It’s her favourite sushi bar! On her medical recommendation, I gorged on maguro and sake maki. Claire had a minor strawberry tragedy at the front door but everything turned out okay in the end. Oh, and did I mention that Spencer’s EP turned up in the mail, and that it’s awesome? And that I’m hugely enjoying Time Traveler’s Wife? With a life this busy and fun WHO NEEDS A BABY, ANYWAY???

son of bride of waiting for baby

Glorious sunshine. Appointment with midwife, Cafe Commons, library, Muddy Waters, nap. Julia is perfectly fine. Claire watched Totoro. We had chicken for dinner.

I can’t stand much more of this.

continuing to wait for baby

The tricks to waiting are well-spaced errands, busywork and naps. This morning I filled a prescription, picked up my disability form and mailed off two Netflixes (The Pillow Book, which was ok, and Rabbit-Proof Fence, which was beautiful and unbearable and made me cry). We met Mum at a cafe, then I caught the J-Church to Open Door and rocked a yoga class. Yoga’s weird; it doesn’t look at all strenuous and isn’t really, but ten weeks ago I couldn’t keep it up for more than half an hour, and now my lunges and squats are strong for an hour and a half. Happy sense of achievement.

Open Door is closing at the end of the month; a shame, because it’s a beautiful studio.

Vast lunch at Goood Frikin, then home to sleep the afternoon away. I didn’t start The Time Traveler’s Wife after all. Instead I am rereading The Pursuit of Love and Love in a Cold Climate, and remembering why I love Nancy Mitford so much I’d like to be her when I grow up. Her writing breaks half the rules, major events take place offstage, years go by in a paragraph, and yet the whole effect is acutely observed and effortlessly funny and will crack your heart in bits. It’s fascinating to me that she and Edith Wharton and the good parts of Dorothy Sayers and even Alan Hollinghurst and Roy Jenkins all seem to write in the same high-realist universe. Maybe I’m just an unreconstructed Anglophile. You think?

Peaceful evening; rain on the skylights, Claire funny and sweet. In the bath: “TWINKLE TWINKLE LITTLE STAR, HOW I WANT YOU STAR. I SINGING!” I burned the zucchini orzo but it was still delicious. We ate it with cherry tomatoes and excellent parmigiano reggiano and a decent Western Australian shiraz. Cocoa and oranges for dessert. I’ve figured out how to use Nextmuni to save Mum waiting twenty minutes in the rain for a bus. Between that and the $10 monthly unlimited Muni pass, the public transport thing is really working for her this time around.

On my to-do list: return library books, have baby.

more waiting for baby

Reading like a crazy woman. Heck, I’m not working or sleeping, what else am I going to do? Bird by Bird is exactly what you’d expect from a writing book by Annie Lamott. Salome doesn’t like her because she’s frumpy, but of course that’s a key part of her schtick. Salome’s also squicked by what we shall call the faithiness, but Lamott’s Jesus seems fairly harmless as Jesi go, what with the not-wanting-to-throw-my-gay-friends-into-the-lake-of-fire. It’s not much, but I’ll take it.

Oh, and everyone who said to me “You have to read The Line of Beauty, you’ll love it”; why didn’t you add “NO, SERIOUSLY, READ IT NOW!!!”? It’s a fantastic and lovely and amazing novel that all the reviews made sound like a turgid Thatcher-era coke memoir. What makes it unturgid, if you will, is that the protagonist Nick Guest is a completely sympathetic Thatcher-era cokehead parasite nob aesthete starfucker. No, I know, but anyway, read it now, it’s just gorgeous.

On to Poppy Z. Brite’s thematically-oddly-similar Prime. I met Poppy the first time I was in New Orleans, and I’d been reading her hurricane-survival Livejournal, so even though her early horror stuff did nothing much for me, I picked this one up at the library. It’s set in top-restaurant-land, with knowing references to French Laundry and Ferran Adria that I just ate up (HAHAHAHA oh never mind), and like Beauty it’s about gay men circling in a somewhat mystified way the centers of political power. I liked Prime just fine and will push it onto my foodie friends, but did I mention that Beauty is probably the best novel I’ve read in years, and one that will still be read in a century? It’s THAT GOOD.

On again to Jennifer Weiner’s Little Earthquakes. I know I bitch-slapped her over In Her Shoes, but it turns out I like books about career women having babies much more than I like books about women who really, really like clothes and makeup and shoes. (I wear both kinds of shoe; Blundstone and Rossi.) Obviously the appeal of chick lit is largely in recognizing yourself and your friends, and I do relate to prenatal yoga classes and infant-induced sleep dep; but still, honestly, it’s a pretty limited appeal. Tell me something I don’t know.

Next up is The Time Traveler’s Wife, which I bought on defective yeti’s recommendation along with Cloud Atlas. Cloud Atlas is technically remarkable – the same character appears in six or seven stories spread out across two hundred years, changing nationality and gender as she goes. A gimmick brilliantly pulled off but still a gimmick, and in the end I would have been happy with a whole novel about the Depression-era bisexual composer. Also the 19th century section was distressingly clunky. Still, as I said to Jeremy when I finished it, I wish I’d written it.

After Wife, I’ll read EVERY OTHER BOOK EVER WRITTEN, since Miss Julia is clearly NEVER GOING TO BE BORN.

waiting for baby

Watched about half of Ang Lee’s The Hulk before Jeremy got bored with the Nick-Nolte-genetically-manipulating-his-own-kid shenanigans.

J: It’s like Lorenzo’s Oil in reverse.

boo!

Mum tripped on a rough piece of pavement and fell flat on her face on 20th Street. She was miraculously unharmed. I think she was trying to scare me into labour, but it hasn’t worked yet. I’m kind of bummed, because to balance out Claire’s Christmas birthday I was hoping to have Jules on Halloween or, failing that, the Fifth of November (“Gunpowder treason and plot!”) I guess the next respectable candidate is Remembrance Day, November 11: and in fact that is her due date. Stay, as ever, tuned.

apparently we’re doing daily puns now

R: She reminds me so much of her cousin Kelly. Especially when she does that naughty little chuckle.

C: Chuckle? (then, hopefully) Chocolate?

are they supposed to be punning at two?

After the Korean man’s story and the lost children of Hurricane Katrina, I taught Claire this little call-and-response:

“What’s your name?”

“Claire Fitzhardinge.”

This morning she climbed into bed with footless pajamas and icy little feet. She tucked her feet under my warm belly and said happily:

“Claire feets hiding.”

mi mamacita is IN DA HOUSE

Picked Mum up from the airport this morning. She flew business class and looked dewy and fresh, straight off the plane. As I drove her to the B&B I pulled over – imagine a screeching of tires, though there was none – and said “Here’s someone I’d like you to meet!” Blanca was walking Milo and Claire to the playground. Claire hurtled into my arms, and I presented her for inspection.

“My grand-daughter!” said Mum.

“Kiss for Gemma?” I asked Claire.

“No,” said Claire, curling into my neck.

Mum was very cool about it. “Don’t push her,” she said. We hung out at the playground for a while, and Claire included Mum in a game; later, Claire thanked Mum for her new pink cardigan. But wasn’t until Mum had gone back to the B&B, and Claire and I were walking down to the Peruvian restaurant for dinner, that Claire had a chance to reflect on her day.

“Cardigan so pretty,” she said, admiring it. “It’s so great.”

“Gemma will be glad you like it.”

“Gemma tomorrow?”

“Yep.”

“Hi Gemma!”

“She’ll be so thrilled if you say that!”

Claire thought for a minute, then said: “I love you Gemma!”

Be warned. If she gets up the nerve to say it to Mum’s face, the universe will explode in cascades of rainbows and unicorns.

false alarm

Some contractions this evening, but apparently they were just my body’s way of repudiating this strange American custom you call Halloween.

Claire overdosed on candy and has retired to bed. I go and do likewise (except for the candy).

not fall out of bed, get ouchie

Claire fell out of the toddler bed with a resounding thump at 3am. Once I’d dried her tears, reminded her that she had plenty to live for (“I like movies,” she volunteered) and put her back to sleep next to J, that was it for my night’s sleep. I had a long bath and read the New Yorker on Scowcroft and Breyer and Calatrava (a wonderful issue, actually). It was the end of daylight saving, so my insomnia lasted an extra excruciating hour. Towards dawn I dozed fitfully. There were noises downstairs: Jeremy answered the door and it was the entire Supreme Court. He made the justices line up on the stairs and gave them all white t-shirts to wear, with the legend “What about Plame?”

That last part may have been a dream.

Awesomely beautiful late fall day. We caught the very end of Breakfast with Enzo, then met Salome and Milo at the park for a playdate. This was interrupted by a caricature of a Berkeley hippie chick, barefoot and somewhat filthy, asking us about homeschooling, telling us proudly that she ripped off welfare and didn’t vaccinate her children and believed the US Government had explosively demolished the Twin Towers and blown up the Pentagon. I’m actually not unsympathetic to aspects of each point of view, but she just went on and on, arguing from (questionable) authority, dismissing various contradictory facts, then lost all credibility when she said to Jeremy: “If you would just use your brain…”

Hippie chicks of the world! Take note! You diss my boy genius at your peril! I’ve been making fun of her ever since.

Next we went to Rockridge Kids for socks, and to Hillegass to see the Jaffe-Tsangs, but by that time Claire was asleep so I stayed in the car reading New Scientist on hypergraphia (a neurological condition I would kind of like to have). Bay Bridge, awesome sunset, radioactive apricot on alien’s-blood-green sky and lavender-and-purple Marin. Bread from Tartine and home to no parking and I swore and a car moved and we parked. Then Ian and Kat came by with meat pies and Claire wore a Hawaiian lei around her waist and Ian said I never blog the cute things she does any more, which is obviously a cruel lie. Then everyone went home or to bed or had another bath.

J (sticking his head around the bathroom door): So we had a conversation.

R (covered in bubbles): Oh yes?

J: It went like this: ‘Goodnight darling.’ ‘Goodnight darling, be careful.’ ‘Be careful? Not fall out of bed, get ouchie?’ ‘Yes, that’s exactly right.’ ‘Okay!’

R: Well, I’m glad we got that settled.

ouch

No, I’m not in labour. We paid the bills and shredded the correspondence. I sorted all of Julia’s clothes while Jeremy converted Claire’s crib to a toddler bed. We put the dollhouse in Claire’s room and the Moses basket in ours. We found new homes for the towels and bed-linen displaced by Julia’s clothes. We replaced the icky brown curtains with pretty champagne-coloured ones. We carried stuff into the attic and emptied the drip pan underneath the leak in the roof. I even sorted the CDs and DVDs, because GOD FORBID that my daughter should come home to a house with an untidy media cabinet.

I’m wrecked.

I read Jennifer Weiner’s In Her Shoes, because someone had cited her as unfairly maligned chick lit. I read Cynthia Ozick’s The Puttermesser Papers immediately afterwards. In Her Shoes stars Rose, a 34-year-old single lawyer who quits to start a dog-walking business and eventually marries a nice man from her old firm. The Puttermesser Papers stars Ruth Puttermesser, a 34-year-old single lawyer who creates a golem from the soil under the pot plants in her apartment. The golem becomes her campaign manager, and Puttermesser is elected mayor of New York.

And that, my friends, is the difference between chick lit and lit.

not so fast

Ada came running into Shannon’s hospital room, saw me and said joyously “I love you!”

My heart shattered into a thousand sparkly pieces.

“Yeah,” said Quinn, “she was saying that to random people in the elevator.”

the adventures of preg-brain and sleep dep girl

I’ve lost all meta-cognition, so how can I post? Here’s proof:

1. Preg-brain was thrilled to make it to Oz complete with clothes for Claire; when we went up in July I forgot to bring anything for her to wear, and we had to make an emergency stop at a consignment store in San Rafael.

This time, it turned out, I had forgotten my own underwear.

Recheng offered to lend me some, but she wears butt-floss on her tiny Asian ass, so I borrowed Jeremy’s boxers instead. Wow. Boxers are incredibly comfy. No wonder men rule the world.

2. Salome, AKA sleep-dep girl, drove me around all afternoon. When she turned on the ignition she said “Where the HELL is that music coming from?”

“Your car radio,” I said.

We looked at each other.

“Did you think it was a heavenly choir?”

“Shut up.”

“I am totally blogging this.”

“Shut. UP.”

We laughed all the way to 24th Street.

I finished work yesterday so today was my first full day of lying around waiting to have Julia. It was filled with entirely appropriate activities: Erin Brockovich on TiVo, glorious chicken from Gooood Frikin, pre-natal yoga, a visit to Shannon and the divine Ruairi (who snoozed adorably in my arms), and birth prep class. I’ve done so much yoga lately that two of the women in birth prep recognized me from separate yoga studios (I actually go to three). Yoga has saved me this time around. Without it, my joints would have calcified months ago. I’d be a wizened little ossified Venus of Willendorf.

Indian summer is in full swing, with nasturtiums and California poppies throwing out their very last blooms. I’ve been having a huge amount of fun just pottering around the neighborhood, overdosing on chai and madeleines, relishing being able to walk to the library and Shannon’s hospital room and Mitchell’s Ice Cream. This house really is ideally located for lazy pregnant girls. No wonder people have started to call it Maternal Heights.

urban baby names

In Pacific Heights I met Conrad, Portia and Somerset. In Bernal, sisters Tallulah and Zenobia. Yesterday I was delighted to hear a mother call:

“No, Mason, Carson is in Boston. You’re talking to Jasper.”

readers respond!

Mark writes to say:

“i beg to differ

it’s the Harvard of the GREATER FREMONT METROPOLITAN AREA!!!”

he has arrived

R: You’ve been invited to do an MBA at DeVry University.

J: It’s the Harvard of Fremont.

unsentimental

R (singsong): Clair-oo!

C (singsong): Yes, mummy!

R: I love you.

C: I not love you.

We shouldn’t fall about laughing when she says things like that. It only encourages her.

recent reading, largely about faith

I’ve been catching up on various purchases from Adobe Books, which has an outrageously good history section. First up was Theodore Zeldin’s An Intimate History of Humanity, not at all what I expected – I’d been thinking it was something like a shorter History of Private Life, but in fact it’s a set of contemporary interviews woven around a narrative that traces the emergence of humanity – not humankind but humane thoughts and acts.

It was a mind-bending and addictive read, a bit like Barzun’s From Dawn to Decadence in that it cast new lights on everything I’ve read over the last few years. Despite many setbacks and abundant evidence to the contrary, I’m a great believer in the Renaissance and the Enlightenment and humanism generally. It pains me considerably that civil discourse is presently flying from reason and tolerance and humanity and back to benighted faith in invisible superheroes in the sky, with all the misogyny and oppression that seems to imply, but I try to take a longer-term view and remind myself, for example, that my lifetime has encompassed the journey from Stonewall to gay marriage in Massachusetts, which is pretty damn cool.

Next up was Alan Moorehead’s Darwin and the Beagle, followed immediately by William Irvine’s Apes, Angels and Victorians which picks up more or less exactly where the Moorehead book leaves off. They’re both a bit dated and completely outshone by Janet Browne’s exceptional two-volume Darwin bio, but good nonetheless. Writing in 1955, Irvine very endearingly takes the position that the Creationist argument is discredited where not actually dead. It’s hard not to grind your teeth over the fact that the church is making exactly the same arguments now that it did when Darwin published a century and a half ago, but it’s wonderful to be reminded what a complex and well-supported and insightful piece of work he did, and how many of his predictions and guesses have been nobly borne out by subsequent evidence. The science gets more and more polished and refined, even as the church gets duller.

I’m not a huge fan of Dawkins and his taunting tactics, but it is the case that I got bored with Christianity as a way of interpreting the world. It’s just not interesting or complicated enough. A propos of which, I finally finished Roy Jenkins’ Gladstone, ten months after I started it. As with his Churchill, I walked away from this book with immense respect and admiration both for the subject and for Jenkins himself. Gladstone started his extraordinary parliamentary career with the proposal that all civil servants should be required to be communicant Anglicans. By the time of his second premiership, fifty years later, he was disestablishing the Irish church.

Jenkins pulls off two masterly feats in this funny, warm and utterly engaging story. The first is to track Gladstone’s conversion from hardest of hard-line Tories into the statesman who defined English liberalism – an conversion brought about by his exceptional combination of intelligence and conscience. It just became apparent to him that he couldn’t force his deeply-cherished beliefs on other people. You can almost hear the ship of state groaning as he goes about. Queen Victoria, by the way, was not amused.

Jenkins’ second achievement is to convey the sense of what parliamentary work is actually like: the whistle-stop tours, the long speeches, the kowtowing to interests with a constituency in their gift; and then after the election victory, the wrangling with the Queen over the Cabinet appointments, the setting of the government’s legislative program, the protracted process of drafting bills and ushering them through both houses, the back-room deals and horse-trading required.

The church figures hugely in Gladstone’s life, and not only because he was so devout. I hadn’t realized how small the government was in his day – the budgets (that he balanced superbly) are ridiculously small! Of course, there was virtually no income tax, no welfare safety net, no National Health Service, very little in the way of state-funded education – because all that was considered to be the province of the church; hence the immense importance of Anglican politics, and the main matter of Trollope’s Barsetshire novels. Gladstone’s career embodies England’s trajectory away from the ruthless equation of social conscience with Christian morality, and this to me is what liberalism is. Poverty isn’t a punishment for bad behaviour and welfare isn’t a reward for virtue; providing welfare is simply the right thing to do.

After Gladstone I powered through a couple of colic-momoirs, Inconsolable and Operating Instructions, just in case Julia spends her first six months in a state of violent outrage. Recent turbulence in the media- and blogo-spheres raising fresh hell over working versus stay-at-home mothers just depresses me. My early new year’s resolution is that I will not judge other women for their choices at all, any more; my hands are way too full trying to deal with the well-meaning ignorance of even kind, intelligent men to fracture my essential feminist support network by dissing my sisters.

This resolution informed my first re-reading of Gaudy Night in about ten years. This book had way too much influence over me, figuring largely in my dreams of doing a DPhil in English Lit at Oxford. Didn’t get in (it’s okay, Trinity College Dublin took me instead). Still, I had to handle Gaudy Night with tongs for a long time after that. Very odd returning to it now. Sayers remains a charming and persuasive writer. Harriet is likeably brittle and Lord Peter amusing, if not particularly credible, but the whole argument of the book is flawed, or at least goes nowhere near far enough. Sayers keeps banging on about equality and to do her justice, it is significant and praiseworthy that the final settlement has to account for Harriet’s intelligence and integrity, as well as the work she’s called upon to do. Even so, Peter appears all deus-ex-machina at the end, explains the plot to us and to Harriet – who is too emotionally involved to have solved the mystery on her own! Bah, I say.

I wonder if I’m importing too much extraneous information to my reading of it now? Sayers’ marriage was not particularly inspiring and she eventually moved away from amusing, brittle detective stories to a fairly conservative theology (and a highly readable but somewhat didactic translation of The Divine Comedy). She’s not likely to win unqualified approval around here while I’m in the mood for admiring Darwin and Gladstone and intelligent accommodations between public secularism and private faith.

As for that whole Oxbridge fiasco, I must tell you one of the funniest and sweetest things my mother ever said to me in my life. We were visiting Cambridge and walked through the gates into the beautiful Trinity College there, and my mother looked around at those hallowed walls that had housed Bacon, Marvell, Dryden, Newton, Byron, Thackeray, Tennyson, Maxwell, Thomson, Rutherford, Russell, Wittgenstein and Nabokov, and she sniffed and said “I like your Trinity better.”

Now that’s good parenting.

freak of nature

Sometimes Claire is uncanny. Today I came home from a notable professional success all bouncy and flushed and free to fall in a heap and just be pregnant with Julia now, as I have been yearning to do lo these many weeks.

Claire looked me shrewdly in the eye and said: “Have fun at work?”

“Er, yes,” I said.

“THAT’S my mummy,” said Claire.