cheat sheet for summer scandals
Look, I think I have figured out a straightforward rule of thumb for apportioning blame. Let’s review this summer’s sausagefesty hackathon and decide what should be done to whom. I call this game:
What Kind Of A Selfish Prick Are You?
1. Brad Manning
What he allegedly did
Leaked classified material, including US diplomatic cables and Collateral Murder video. Contributed to public questioning of unjust war and unethical US foreign policy, at incalculable personal cost.
What kind of selfish prick is he?
The opposite of one.
What should be done to him
Congressional Medal of Honor.
2. Aaron Swartz
What he allegedly did
Broke into an MIT wiring closet to download all of JSTOR in order to do large-scale dataset analysis as he had already done for Wikipedia and PACER data, to demonstrate institutional bias.
What kind of selfish prick is he?
Sense of entitlement up the wazoo, but he’s young.
What should be done to him
Slap on the wrist for trespassing. Lawrence Lessig to have a long boring talk to him about his methods.
3. Julian Assange
What he allegedly did
Sex without condoms with women who did not consent to it.
What kind of selfish prick is he?
A rapey douchebag.
What should be done to him
No one to ever have sex with him or pay any attention to anything he says, ever again. Wikileaks to continue without him.
4. Rupert Murdoch
What he allegedly did
Authorized hacking into phones of at least 7000 people, including child murder victims, terrorism victims; extracting and publishing details of politician’s child’s illness; paying off chiefs at Scotland Yard to prevent investigation into crimes; for decades publishing incredibly crappy newspapers and presiding over a media empire that besmirches human dignity for profit. Deciding elections by fiat.
What kind of selfish prick is he?
Murdoch would use his mind to burn every human being to death, if he could.
What should be done to him
All money confiscated and given to the poor. Murdoch and sycophants to be chained in the public square and pelted with feces for the term of their natural lives. Their family names to be abolished at their deaths.
