I dreamed the baby was born, but it was a boy, and immensely fat – so much so that it had no neck. Instead, its head and torso formed one huge jiggling egg of sweaty flesh. It had coarse black hair, and when it looked at me, it spat.

J: We went to the meadow on the other side of Army Street.

R: There’s a meadow there?

J (impatiently): In my dream. It was you and me and Big, and we looked at all the wildlife. There were some sheep on a hill. They had one ear much bigger than the other. Big said Adrian and Sam had been involved with these sheep, but they turned out to be too much trouble.

R: Trouble how?

J: Too opinionated. There was also a termite’s nest that had what looked like an owl inside, but when it came out, it was a tiny jaguar. It wended its way through our legs.

R: Wended.

J: Yes.

R: And the opinionated sheep had one ear bigger than the other?

J: It might have been that I was seeing one ear edge-on.

J: You want me to upgrade your shiny new thing-thing?

R: Shiny new thing-thing? You mean the baby? What software do you run on a baby?

J: Google?

He also had a dream where I was worried about terrorists building geodesic domes from spent nuclear fuel rods.

God, I love food. Food is good.

Amuse-bouche: Thomas Keller’s signature, tiny ice cream cones with salmon tartare or tomato and eggplant.

Chris: That wasn’t an appetizer. That was a taunt.

Turley 2000 Zinfandel

Chris: This doesn’t taste like the kind of Californian wine we get in London.
Big: That’s because it’s *good*.

1. Oysters in pearls

Jeremy: I’ve never tasted oysters as *sweet* before.

2. Duck terrine layered with perigord truffles. Cracked pepper and a design of 40 year old balsamic vinegar. Brioche toast. The others had a Belgian endive with a banana curry.

J: Banana!
Big: I know. It got me a beauty.

3. Almond-encrusted pompano with pasta in a lemon curd sauce. Amazing, but Chris had a salad of heirloom tomatoes marinated in basil-infused olive oil, with a mandarin and tomato sorbet on the side.

R: Chris, honey, sweetie darling.
Kathryn: Did I mention I had a spare bed?
Chris: You were offering me *your* bed before.
K: Sure! Can I try the salad?

Capiaux Pinot Noir 2000 from Russian River

Kathryn: This pinot is *very*…
Chris: I never liked pinot till I had a good one.
Big: What, just now?

4. Lobster tail and claw, in a port, coffee and chocolate sauce, with a Mission fig

Big: That’s all my buttons pressed.
Rachel: Is there *anything* I like that isn’t in here?
Big (to Adam, the waiter): Is there ecstasy in the sauce?

5. Steak tartare for the others, duck breast for me, with a Kodota fig this time.

R: This is the fig I do not give.

Alban Vineyards Lorraine Syrah 1999 – WOW WOW WOW WOW WOW

6. Roast saddle of lamb on a tomato ragout with artichoke hearts. Chris had a potato thing.

Chris: I don’t know what happened to those potatoes, but they tasted great.
Big: Which means it was probably illegal.
Chris: When we went to Naxos, the restaurants boasted about having the best potatoes in the Cyclades. We made it our joke – “This is the best G&T in the Cyclades!” Then we went to a restaurant and ordered, and said “Oh, we’d like some potatoes as well.” And the potatoes. Were. Amazing. I think there’s only one spot on the island where it curves into a cove where conditions are right for potatoes to grow. Maybe five potatoes a year. But they are the best. Potatoes. In the Cyclades.

7. PUMPKIN! TARTE! TATIN! And the best pecorino I’ve had. And yet more truffles for Chris.

J: Too many truffles?
Chris: It’s more a question of whether the taste of the truffles overcomes the taste of the food, or vice versa. It seems to alternate. Very nice.
J: Truffle wrestling.
Chris: Exactly.
J: Zwoop(1) electronic noses for truffle finding.

Sticky for Squishy: Chateau Reynon Cadillac 1998 – WOW WOW WOW WOW WOW

Alon: Sensory overload.

8: Pink! Pearl! Apple! Sorbet!!!

R: I’m resorting to punctuation.
Kathryn: That’s a lot of exclamation marks.

9. DESSERT! Chocolately thing, with chocolate…

R: I think I’m losing my descriptive powers.
Alon: Crispy chocolate, creamy chocolate.
Big: Gooey chocolate.
J: Your one brain cell seems to have been overwhelmed.
Chris: Mine is a series of allotropes of pineapple.

But wait! There’s more! Vanilla bean creme brulee and lemongrass pot de creme.

Alon: This is just like a pot of fat. I’m not complaining…
J: Kathryn gently slides under the table.

Oh my sweet Lord! Macaroons!

R: It’s a! It’s a! It’s one of those choux pastry things with custard inside!
J looks blank.
R: YOU USE THEM TO MAKE CROQUENBOUCHE!
J: Ah, a profiterole.
R: YES! IT’S A TINY PROFITEROLE! May God have mercy on our souls.

And then Adam brought out the chocolate truffles.

(1) Zwoop is an abbreviation for “There’s an interesting article in this week’s New Scientist about…”

R: Guess where we’re eating tonight?

Big: French… Vietnamese?

R: No!

Big: That place near the laundry?

R: NOOO!